I may have mentioned before that I was sent to a child psychologist when I first arrived at my cousins’ home when I was 10. This was just to make sure there wasn’t any irreversible “challenges” that the parents could not deal with. I was informed years later that the Dr. said I was fine but that I would probably be back when I was between 13-16 years old. He was good.
Like clockwork, When we were in Hawaii, I was about 13 or 14, and I was discussing my lack of appetite with my Aunt and I asked her if I could go see that doctor again.
I was not anorexic because my body was in charge and I loved food. I just got this bubbly feeling in my throat at the smell of food and just could not eat. This would only happen for a day or 2 then like magic it would be gone and I could eat all day. I knew it was bad when I could not even eat chocolate at times. After a few months of talking about everything and anything, We discovered that it was depression. My sub-conscience would take over and not allow me to eat. I just had to take the control back. So why was it happening? Like the SNL parody with the “shrink” — Tell me about your mother, well It was because somewhere in the depths of my mind I believed that my mother was still coming back.
See my grandparents, in all their wisdom and love for me, never let me go to see my mom or let me go to the funeral. I never had closure. So, the good doctor gave me a tool to use whenever those “bubbles” came in my throat and it worked. Just state what you are upset about or what is on your mind. “I am depressed because…. ” As silly as it sounds, it worked. Then when I saw my first “love” the depression disappeared all together and I didn’t have to see the doctor any more.
Love is amazing! It can hurt you and heal you.
So, why did I get this depression? To help others later in life. I remember when I was teaching at a small christian school in NJ. I had this student who was always happy and did her homework and earned A’s and B’s. I started noticing she wasn’t so happy and she missed a homework then another. I had to give her lunch detention. Her grades were slipping. The other girls in the class stayed one day to talk to me. They noticed something wrong. I told them to keep an eye on her for a week and let me know if she was eating. A week later, they were really concerned because she was not eating. I went to the principal and told her my theory and why I believed this girl was in a depression. The next day the principal asked me to her office and said I was right. There was problem at home with the father leaving in the middle of the night. The mother was going to start her with family therapy. The mother was thankful I may have saved that girl’s life. I was not looking for any reward . I just thanked God for giving me the insight.
Again, Love trumps depression.
I pray that anyone going through any problem and reads blogs and articles like mine, will see their own problems and head them off before they become bigger problems. The point is to acknowledge that you suffer from depression and don’t go straight for the big name pills. Go to a doctor who is willing to use other things first like yourself, God, or St. John’s Wort. Depression doesn’t go away completely. It’s like that neighbor that watches you, you can ignore them but they will always be there waiting for that weak time to ask you for something that they won’t return.